Tomorrow was the due date for my most recently miscarried baby. I didn’t have the date memorized this time, but I had excitedly put it on my calendar back in December and forgot it was there until earlier this week. And each time I looked at it, I couldn’t bring myself to delete it. So it’s been just sitting there as a reminder, not really affecting me, just there. But today, as I was talking to a pregnant friend, grief hit me. I was supposed to be preparing for a hospital stay right now. I was supposed to be a glowing pregnant woman. I was supposed to have the cute baby bump.
And while I cry and grieve a little more today over the baby we lost, I also wait to meet my new adopted son or daughter, and that brings me so much joy and anticipation! While adoption was always a “some day” for us, it was this miscarriage that finally encouraged us to stop waiting and pursue it. And now, we are in the adoption waiting pool. Only 7 months after we started the process, we were approved. We have good days and we have hard days. Days of excitement and thinking about getting THE phone call, and days of tears or disappointment over no missed phone calls.
Someday soon, we will get the call that we have been waiting for. Someday soon, we will get to hold our baby and all the tears and all the uncertainty will finally be worth it. Someday soon I will get to see my amazing husband become a daddy. But for now, we claim contentment sitting in the waiting. Not having a due date on the calendar. Thankful for where we are at in this moment and what has brought us here.
If you have not seen it already or would like to see the most recent update, you can visit our Adoption Website here.