Disruption

disruption1Life changes. Constantly. Being an army wife for the last five years has made that more obvious to me than ever before. One day we are told we have a week to move to another base, then they say, “No, you will stay here but your husband will be deploying again. Nevermind, now you are both going to move internationally. Oh wait. Scratch all of that, we’re just kidding. Go back to normal, none of that is happening now.”

Oh ok, I’ll just go back to “normal.” What is normal for any of us? We don’t know what tomorrow holds for us, let alone the next hour (Matthew 6:25-34) We can cling to our plans and our pretend control, but the only thing that can possibly bring us is disappointment.

Like I said before, being an army wife has opened my eyes to the fact that I have no control over my future. God knew what he was doing when he chose Andrew as my husband, because He’s been using this career path to shape both of us. Our last potential move was so close to happening that I had given up my job, we almost put down a deposit on a new apartment in another state, we had given up all responsibilities, all of our leadership areas, and then the plans changed. That “just kidding” again from the Army. “Say what?! Do they know how much they are messing with our lives? With our future?? How dare they.”

Sometimes I can just picture God smiling and chuckling at me asking, “Nicole, you still don’t get this? Why are changed plans still shaking you this much? What are you really hoping in? Is it Me? I don’t think so.” Ouch, it would appear that I’m not. I look at how many times in the last year alone that our plans for the future have changed like this, both career-wise and family-wise, and it has been a constant roller coaster for me. Up and down, changing day to day and week to week. Which, when I’m hoping in the Lord, doesn’t shake me. How could it? But if my hope lies in clinging to that next move, that next job, that pregnancy, then the loss of it will be heart breaking! Because we just lost everything that we were hoping for and we have zero control over it. I admit, I have had too much heart break this last year, but it doesn’t have to be that way. When we hope in the Lord, those disruptions don’t pummel us or devastate us (Isaiah 40:31).

Life is extremely disruptive, and this will not change as long as we live on this earth.  We make our plans and cling to them. We have our expectations of what life should look like, what is fair, or what we deserve, and that becomes our hope. But oh, what a shallow hope to cling to and live by! God is our only hope. Our only constant. And that is so much more than we even know to ask for! So today, I chose to pursue God instead of my plans. To cling to Him instead of what I think my future will or should look like. To hope in God alone.

 

 

(Original image found here)

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